I Don’t Even Know Myself Any More

I MISS THE PERSON THAT I USED TO BE!!! Prior to becoming symptomatic in May, I was working full-time managing my father’s company, going to school full-time, and when I wasn’t at work or school I was busy writing books. I mean, I was an intelligent, creative, and charismatic woman. Now? It’s like I’m the Scarecrow, Cowardly Lion, and Tin Man rolled into one.wizard of oz I’ve completely lost my brain. I can’t concentrate, remember things, or even formulate the correct words for things 90% of the time. If someone asks me to do something that is more stressful than laundry I have a breakdown. And, well, Tin Man = my lacking range of motion. I’m not working because of constant pain and my failure to even fill out a deposit slip correctly. (Thank God my father is my boss). I’ve had to drop my college classes because I can’t read more than two or three sentences before my brain checks out. And anytime I try to sit down and write it’s like there is this fog between me and that creative place in my brain. What is this? Am I just in so much pain that it is turning me into a dim-witted moron? Is it a side effect of the medication? Is it a symptom of the disease that the doctor forgot to tell me about? …. Ugh, sorry. Rant over. I just hate feeling like on top of everything else that this disease has stolen from me, that it has now taken my brain and personality along with it too.